Acceptance

Here’s the thing: my head still hurts.  I do my best not to complain too much.  The reality is that in the last 2 months I have had maybe 3 migraines that made me want to take a pill for it and lay down.  There have been a couple of times when I took two Ibuprophen PM and called it a night.  For the most part it is business as usual.  What choice do I have?

As an update, in late May the headache sort of went away.  It was gone most of June and July.  I went to Puerto Rico for 9 days and only had a headache once.  I went to Columbus Ohio for 4 days and didn’t get much of a head ache.  (Good thing too, because just me and the hubby with customers and no kids = a lot of alcohol.)  June, July and August my headache started a couple of days before my period.  So I went to see my Ob/Gyn and he said the same thing that the eye doctor and dentist: “Not me.”  Sigh.  I go for a follow up with the Neurologist this Thursday.  He will more than likely do a second MRI to see if anything is different 6 months after.  He did say “It’s a migraine” but really did not give me a solution for it.

I started seeing a Chiropractor.  He found me to be “the leaning tower of Lisa” and started treating me to “straighten” me up.  He thinks the curve in my spine might be causing the headaches.  The reality is that after 6 weeks of treatment I feel better in the sense that my back is better.  Also, if I don’t see him for a few days I start to hurt more in my neck.  However, the month of August has seen headaches just about every day.  They are different though.  Not as intense.  Usually they come on in the afternoon.  In his defense he said it could take 3 months to see a difference.  I figure why not?  At least he is willing to do something to try and help. 

I try not to complain.  Sometimes I just tell people “Can we move this indoors, the sun exacerbates my headache” and they usually seem surprised that I still have one.  Truth be told I think most people think I exaggerate.  If anything, I minimize it.  I get tired of hearing myself talk about it.  I can’t imagine how other feel!  Poor Michael! He says “I just want you to feel better consistently.” I believe him, but he must be sick of driving me to the chiropractor and to yet another doctor.  Hey, at least we know it’s not a tumor!

What I am trying to say is I guess I have almost given up.  I mean, I am almost ready to throw in the towel and say “This is the new normal.”  I guess I’m supposed to hurt and not know why.  It is hard.  I get sad when I hear Michael telling the girls to be quiet because Mommy has a headache.  I don’t want them to grow up thinking I was always in pain and didn’t let them have fun! And so I keep planning the outings. Whenever we can go to a birthday party, or a book store or a hike I go no matter how I feel.  I keep thinking of how fast this summer passed and just like that both of them are in school and now we are restricted by the school calendar.  I keep taking my supplements; put some Excedrin in my purse and role with it.  I was really fortunate that our trip to Puerto Rico didn’t seem affected by it.  I’m hoping we can get away for fall break and have a good time, and only worry about Savannah crying because she does not want to walk.  Hoping Sofia remembers this time as Savannah being lazy and not me being sick.

What would you do if you were in my shoes?  Seriously.  I am curious.  Acceptance.  That’s all I got. At times I feel like I am being a quitter.  But am I? I have tried all the home remedies.  I have been to 7 doctors and no one has helped me so…at what point do you just say “It’s gonna be what it’s gonna be.” Or “Let go and let God”. Or - Shrugging my shoulders “Eh!”

So this Thursday I will go back to see my neurologist and see what he has to say.  Otherwise I just have to take five deep breaths and just accept the new normal.  Acceptance.  What else is there?