Still here...

Remember that head ache?  It is still here.  Yes.  I have had a head ache for 4 weeks.  It's a little hard to believe, I know.  I see it in people's faces when I start to tell them about it.  I know it is hard to comprehend but it is true.  I just keep living my life, try not to talk about it too much, and hope that we can get rid of it someday. 

There are a few new developments.  For one, we do not believe it is cluster head aches anymore.  If it were, then I would have had immediate relief from the oxygen and a few other factors lead us to believe that is not what I have.  It's a shame too, I was looking for a medical reason to do mushrooms...

The Neurologist told me to start taking a daily baby aspirin just in case this was related to my arteries as a preventative measure.  He also sent me for a lot of blood work.  The results are in and apparently my anti phospholipid antibodies are high.  Not life threatening high, but high.  And combined with the head ache is cause for concern.  I am now headed to a Hematologist next week, my guess is to run more tests and see if the answer lies in my blood.  Let's hope it's not autoimmune! 

In any case, my head still hurts, and I am still searching for the reason why.  I have had some relief from the pain.  I continue to say on a scale of 1 to 10 at it's worst it was a 7.  Maybe I experience an 8 or 9 for a bit, but for the whole day the worst was a 7.  Now, on the best days it is barely a 1.  There was one day last week I was almost giddy because it seemed like it was almost gone.  The best days are when I sleep well, and I wake up with just a mild throbbing over my left eye, no other pain in my head.  It's a nuisance, but very bearable.  As my friend Jess said the other day "Your bar has been lowered, it is very low" and she is right.  It is all perspective. Usually as the day goes on the pain tends to spread to the rest of my head.  Always the throbbing on the left side with the added joy or pain through the rest of my head. 

I have not taken a day off since the first week when the pain was migraine-like.  And when I say no day off I mean no day off.  I help run a business and I'm raising two little girls.  So even lazy Sundays mean laundry and meals and refereeing sibling fights.  Days out are fun but also involve thinking about meals, changes of clothes and when I'm really lucky: a trip to the port-a-potty WITH the two kids at the same time.  Yeah!

I feel bad taking time off.  After all, I have missed so much work for doctor visits it does not seem fair to take more time off.  I will however do so soon.  We are in the plant business, so Mother's Day is the Super Bowl.  But maybe after Mother's Day I can send the kids the school and just stay in the house by myself for the day.  Goals...

I'm OK.  Some people don't know what to do with me.  I can't possibly have a head ache for this long and still function right?  What am I going to do?  Stay in my bedroom?  Not likely.  I am reminded of the first time hiking with Michael.  We were in North Carolina and being the outdoors woman that I am I managed to go a mile downwards on a very rough terrain without a problem, only to twist my ankle on the smooth bald of the mountain.  I made it up the mountain, very slowly.  Only stopped a couple of times to rest.  Did not complain.  When we made to the parking lot Michael wanted to go for another short hike.  I looked at him in disbelief: "Um...I'm hurt!" He figured it was not that bad because I barely complained and made it all the way up.  He was shocked when I took off my boot and my ankle blew up to football size.  I am Carmen Sanchez' daughter -  we keep going.

Anyway, I am touched by all the people who email and text me concerned.  I am seriously dealing with some shit.  It's not the pain, it's the uncertainty; the realization that I could be seriously ill and it is out of my control, you know?  I will keep ya'll posted.  Meanwhile, if you feel sorry for me you can send me chocolate, or bourbon.  A nice bottle of wine... you know, to drown the pain away...


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