Wrapping up this eye surgery thing
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| The new me! |
Here I am, over a month after eye surgery trying to navigate the world with these new eyes. Just to recap: I was scheduled to start my surgeries in December of 2020 and had to postpone it due to Covid. Finally rescheduled it for December of 2021 for a million reasons that you will have to read previous blogs to understand. Had surgery on my right eye December 2nd 2021, left eye on December 16, 2021. I am typing this right now in my brand new glasses! Now, I am 48 so they are bifocals; but on the bright side my old prescription was not possible with bifocals so this is definitely a win. Even if I am still learning to see again.
The last 7 weeks have all been about relearning anyway. For starters, we started the surgeries on my weakest eye, turning it into my strongest eye, and confusing my brain for two weeks. I have what is commonly known as a lazy eye. Typically my eyes do not work as a team. My left eye leads and my right eye follows. It turns in, leaning on it's stronger partner, defeated because it just is not as strong. Well, for those two weeks between surgeries the opposite happened. My right eye got the chance to lead and although I am proud and happy for her, the new arrangement was very confusing to my brain. Headaches were common, and you can understand why. On top of that I did have a little cataracts in my eyes so for two weeks I saw things in different colors. It was very amusing to me, not so amusing to my husband and everyone else I kept pointing this out to. "Wow! That is magenta in one eye and purple through the other!"
Then I had my second surgery and things started looking the same color. They were also so incredibly bright I had to wear sunglasses more than usual. My right eye started turning in again. My eye sight got better and better as the days passed, but my right eye will always lag. I could see with my "naked" eyes as well as I did with my contacts. I still could not see up close so I could not read. That is pretty normal for people my age, but since I have been conditioned to wear glasses half the day I was used to taking off my glasses and bringing whatever I want to see up close. Really up close, like an inch or two from my eyes. Anyway, when the lens is inside your eye that is not an option.
I had to wait 4 weeks to get my new glasses. I have had to make adjustments that you would never think of. For example, I am a hairy Latina and I am used to tweezing my eye brows. I have to get them waxed now, there is no way for me to do this right now. I started wearing over the counter readers to read my phone and most books and paper documents. I could see better without them on the computer most of the time. The putting them on and taking them off was getting old. I imagine everyone my age goes through this. However, since I have worn glasses for 45 years I think it is harder for me. This is why the idea of bifocals is exciting to me. I am used to wearing something on my face anyway. I wanted them back! Just prettier.
This would be a good time to mention that it has been almost two months and I still reach for the glasses on my nightstand - almost everyday. I am still amazed I can see inside the shower. When I step out of the shower, I look for my glasses on the counter. Or my personal favorite: reaching for the glasses that are NOT on my face to take them off to read something, Yeah. I have similar issues from wearing contacts for 35 years. My eyes get dry and my first thought is "My contacts are bugging me." Then I remember I need eye drops because I have no contacts! I was standing downwind from smoke in a fire pit and I immediately moved away because smoke and contacts do not mix. Just like most days I wake up and reach for my glasses, I get home from work and want to take my contacts off immediately. Turns out your eyes get tired after looking at a computer most of the day even if you do not wear contacts! It is worse because you cannot just take them off to rest.
Every time I think about the Christmas before, sick with COVID and so depressed about not having the surgery it makes me sad. It was just another stop on a long line of disappointments related to my eyes. As a little girl I dreamed of someone fixing my eyes. When I got contacts lenses I was so grateful to be free of the ugly glasses, and for decades I figured that was the best I could get. Even when they said they could do the surgery my expectations were way down. A lifetime of your sight getting worse, you glasses getting uglier. The doctor would say "there is technology now to make them thinner" and in your head you picture yourself with "normal" glasses, but they come in, you know, like this:
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| This is thinner |
The unfairness of it all. I mean, I don't want to be a whiner, my life is pretty good. I mean, I was born in the projects of the South Bronx in the 70s a blind girl, sure. But I have so much privilege. I am smart, pretty, have amazing parents, friends and family. I have travelled, graduated from two great universities, and have always found kind people to drive me around. I married a man who gave me two amazing girls and once said "you are so close to perfect God had to make you blind to balance it out." Yes, even blind my life is pretty good.
You can understand why I had my doubts about this surgery actually happening, and why I kept my expectations low. For years I heard " you have managed well with this problem maybe one day...". Both my every day eye doctor, and my surgeon were pleasantly surprised. I was very blind. Blinder than anyone I have ever met. I had a -24 in my left eye and a -26 in my right. That was not my only eye problem. My eyes are very unusual. We had discussed it ad nauseum and had concluded that if Dr. Brody could bring me to -5, -6 it would be a huge win. "Normal" glasses was the goal. Post surgery my naked eye is at -.25 on the left and -2 on the right. I now see 20/30 on she left, 20/70 on the right. AH-MA-ZING! I can see better than both my doctors. I can see better than most people reading this. Better yet, my corrective lenses get me to 20/20 on the left and 20/40 on the right. Pretty. Damn. Good. If only I can get used to these bifocals now...
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| My glasses on the tree. |
I have been training for a 5K, my first. I really have not run much since grad school. I started running before Covid and got interrupted for months. I am asthmatic and have long Covid heart rate problems. My time is terrible but I try to get out there every other day and do the 3.1 miles for m health, my girlish figure, and to challenge myself. As I was stretching the other day I had my new glasses on when it occurred to me: I don't need glasses to run. I put them on my desk, and smiled.
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